Saint Michael’s Church
Serving God and Bishop’s Stortford
Clergy Letter For October 2009
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CLERGY LETTER FOR OCTOBER 2009 |
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Canon Toby Marchand writes.. Don't Forget The Carers |
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Dear Friends, I don’t often write the leading article of this magazine in the form of a letter. But I do so this month because I want to address all of you who read this personally. I want to draw your attention, as my attention was drawn by someone else, to a situation in our midst in the Parish of which many of us are unaware or tend to ignore. It is the number of our church friends who are acting as full-time carers for husbands or wives who are ill. I can think of at least eight and there may be more. They are all people who without a murmur of complaint are giving up their time 24 hours a day, seven days a week, to look after spouses who suffer from a variety of illnesses, including Parkinson’s disease, dementia, motor-neuron disease and Alzheimer’s disease. The problem for so many of us who know about these conditions and these people is that we don’t know what we can do. It is an intensely personal situation for the couple involved and there is a real problem of outside “interference” of a non-medical kind from those who do not feel qualified. So we make do with the occasional kindly word, the expression of sympathy (which though genuine does not go very far to alleviate the burden), and a secret thanks that we do not have to face that sort of situation ourselves. I count myself amongst those who feel powerless and slightly guilty about the whole thing. I believe there are three things at least that we could do. The first is we can affirm the individual worth of those who are suffering the illnesses. One of the most heart-breaking human situations that anyone ever has to face is the change of character that comes about as someone we love is gradually engulfed in a condition that alters their personality. People, (and it is often, but not always, men) go from being bright, intelligent, influential, respected members of the community with interests, abilities, foibles and idiosyncrasies to pale shadows of their former selves, barely able to speak or communicate. They take an age to be got up and dressed, and an equal age to be put to bed at night. They take an age to eat, or to be fed, they need help with the toilet, and with many of the physical movements that the rest of us take for granted. Their partners, who become automatically and inevitably their carers, find their time is taken up completely so that they have no life that they can call their own. And yet they are expected, when they do get out, to be cheerful and stoic, and not to answer the question “How are things?” with any degree of truthfulness. Not many of us are in a position to affirm the worth of the seriously ill. But just remember when you are in the company of their carers that God loves the sufferers as much in their new condition as He ever did when they were fit and well. To Him they are still the people they have always been. They have souls that God loves, and for whom his Son gave his life. If the resurrection, in which we believe, is the truth, then the after-life will see our friends restored to their former brightness and enjoying the delights of unrestricted life with God and with those they love. Let’s affirm that here and now, even when the restrictions of mortal illness do their best to obscure that truth. The second thing is to affirm the value of the work that the carers do. In the Body of Christ there are many gifts and many forms of service. Look at Romans 12.3-8, or Ephesians 4.7-16, or the whole of Chapter 12 of 1 Corinthians. Those who are engaged in the full-time care of one of God’s family are no less important than those who have a more public role of leadership in the Body of Christ. Just because they cannot be there to share in worship every time the church meets, or take an active part in the committees and groups of the church, does not mean to say that God thinks any the less of them: in fact it is rather the opposite! And thirdly we can, all of us, pray! I am going to suggest that though it is incumbent on all church members to pray for those who are sick and housebound there may be some of you who have a special calling to be engaged in regular intercession for the people of whom we are talking. It would be so good if there were a group of individuals who took on the special responsibility of prayer for people who suffer and for people who are the carers of those who suffer. Would you consider it? I would not want to betray any confidences, but if you felt you were able to do this ministry of prayer I would be glad to talk with you privately and to give you the names of the people to whom I am referring in this letter. As long as you promised to keep that confidence you could be a vital instrument in the tackling of this most sensitive and difficult subject. I leave it with you. Maybe I will hear from some of you when you have had time to read, digest and pray about what I have said. Every blessing to you all, Toby Marchand |
Office Address:
Saint Michael’s Church
Windhill
Bishops Stortford
Hertfordshire
CM23 2ND